:: Closing Time ::

:: Monday, October 14, 2002 ::

I am fucking exhausted, and it's 2:23 in the morning (I need to get up at 9:00 in order to pack and get up and get to my 12:00 flight)... but I have to write this blog. I have to write this blog because this is a part of my life I'm not willing to give up yet, a group of people I'm not willing to stop loving, and a situation that I'm not willing to let get out of hand.

Rice Street, this year. RSS 02-03. Hard to believe it had to happen, and hard to believe how confusing that is to me given that I was only in it 2 out of 3 possible years. I never tasted failure - I got in the first time I auditioned, and loved it every day since. But that group REALLY is a part of my soul, and the attitude I see some members taking towards it these days... in my opinion is entirely unaceptable.

First off, the good news - the candid, honest assessment. Made from seeing half of one rehersal, running about four songs, under some kind of pressure for some people, hopefully some kind of inspiration for others, and certainly a lot of confusion. Lemme quickly blog about one of the most important parts of my trip home, my visit to Rice Street.

So of all people, Juli is the one who knew I was coming. I can't believe I keep saying shit like that - of all people - because anybody who's been paying attention for the past few months knows I've become closer to Juli than I've stayed with like Sergel, who at first thought would be the person most people think I'd talk to. But no.... if you've been paying attention to my blog, you're probably not surprised at all. I guess I STILL am given how much we didn't click over two years, and yet seem to now. Slightly dissapointed it took so long, but happy it happened - anyhow, Juli knew I was coming, but other than that I knocked on the door and walked in and I really could see it on all the faces. The returnees recognized me immediately - Rachel, Lulu, Sergel, Huang, Peter Hill, E-Dawg, Juli. Rice Streeters, pay attention to how I wrote those... I went around the horseshoe. It's still second nature to me. I saw smiles brighten, I saw faces change, and I honestly felt good to be home. Then there was everyone else - the faces I didn't know so well. I mean some I did... I spent all last year yelling at Rob Littlefield in band, and several other people knew me from the rest of the program. But those seven REALLY knew me. And Chad. How could I forget Chad, even though he was hiding behind the pillar when I walked in.... Chad, as usual, was as calm and professional as anything, but I think he might have been the one I was most happy to see. Not that I didn't want to see everyone, but Chad is just my fucking hero in so many ways. If nothing else, he's brilliantly talented and absolutely loves doing what he's doing on every level - conducting, teaching, working with kids, and performing. He loves it... and that's the ultimate work ethic. And then there was Kelly Squires, who had to introduce herself to me because she didn't know I'd know exactly who she was - because she didn't know me personally well enough to know I wouldn't forget that kind of thing, or that I'd be prepared for the situation. Anyhow, half of everything I expected happened. Peter Hill invited me to sing with them - Sergel suggested we break out a tune from last year (did I reverse those two? either way, it was sure as hell the bass section that was the most brotherly, to no surprise), but like I knew had to be done to not disrupt rehersal I just settled them down, and listened.

And this is where we get to the important part - my snap judgement, candid assesment of the group.

First off I've heard a whole lot of negativity which I don't like from the folks I've talked to and the rumors I've heard. But that aside, the group is -not- as star studded as it was. You don't have Jack, the ubertenor, you don't have DeSantis, the character, you don't have Ry, the kingpin, you don't have Kate, the clown who somehow managed to sing in absurd ranges, you don't have Christine, who never got enough credit for being absolutely phenomenal. I'd like to think my own loss is important, but I can only best judge others. Everyone had their qualities, those are just the first I think of that stand out - but add that to Juli the wondergirl, E-Dawg the hearthrob, Elizabeth (I'm sorry... I can't call her Lulu and respect her enough as an adult to appreciate her. Call me crazy) who I can't label because there just aren't any word to describe it... but anybody who was in Rice Street knows what I mean, she just has -something- that makes her stand out. Surround them with a cast of characters who all are cut from a finer stock, and we had a glamourously talented group.

Fast forward to now - as Sergel commented, the three big time soloists are still there. First soloist I heard was Juli, the second E-Dawg, and the third Elizabeth. Am I surprised? Not at all, they earned them before and they've only gotten better. The difference is the the bread and butter of the group.

This year's group, drastically moreso than the 01-02 cast, already sounds like a group. Sections have clicked - people are blending, singing together. If you can manage to keep that up, you're going to be better than we were last year, because that's the one part we were never good at.

You're doing big group repetoire, and well you should - you guys SOUND like a bigger group. I think by the numbers, the balance is slightly different but it's not much bigger, if at all. Stars develop on their own. You've already got three bonafide, a couple more clearly emerging, and underclassmen who are going to take that HUGE first year step. You guys all remember Ethan two years ago? He wasn't E-Dawg yet, and he wasn't the confident contender he is now. He was timid - singing with Aaron and Jack (and jesus christ, who WOULDN'T be intimidated in that section?), but he had a breakout year and in six months we knew he was a star. Now he's leading his own section, the only returning tenor, like Aaron when we came in. You're going to develop a few more stars. FOCUS ON THE GROUP AS A WHOLE.

Minor other positive notes: shit, apparently all you have to do is give a girl a senior pass to make her learn to enjoy singing... Juli, Elizabeth, would it have killed you to start having fun a couple of years ago? :) I don't know what it was before - at times I thought it was arrogance, now in hindsight I think it may have been discomfort, or something I can't recognize... but either way, you two kicked it - be an example to those you're taking in. It's hard to believe you guys are the intensives now, since I still remember the pair of somewhat timid sophomore girls attached at the hip, having to deal within a section run by Abby, trademarked by Kate, and backboned by Koteff. Tough start you got, but here you are. Each one of you now leading a section on your own, the only third year member (Juli, the only returning member -at all-) in each. Make that difference.

So about Kelly Squires - who, by the way, introduced herself to me as Kelly. Nice touch there, are you guys calling her Kelly? It did always kind of undercut any sense of kinship Trembles had when she was Ms. Tremblay and he was Chad. Of course, she wasn't responsible enough to handle that sense when she did get it, but that's another story - this is about Kelly, the director you're working with now, who honestly seems to be doing a great job.

SERGEL: Jesus Christ, give her a break. I saw it. I know, because I did it myself. You're a senior, and to some extent you feel like THE senior, because the male dominance aspect is crossing with the outgoing aspect when you're compared to ethan and huang. DeSantis was longer standing than I was, but I was twice the musician he was.... and we all knew it. It helped to have him and Jack keeping me in check, because otherwise I think I would have been even worse than I was. I know what you're feeling - I know the confidence and the pride that comes with it. You've earned it, you deserve it. But take a step back - work behind the scenes with the guys, keep shit calm, don't just jump out. I know you can do this either way - please, do me a favor and excercise the tact I am fully aware you can use whenever you can. I think more than any student, you probably have the position to handicap or lift up the group. I know you guys are having fun. But do it for the team. When I come back and see you guys perform, I don't want to have to see the bits and pieces that the bass section missed in concert because you guys were having too much fun - and I"ll only recognize them because we made those same mistakes. Do one better. Please.

You know, I was going to criticize people's criticism, but in the end I decide, why? Most of you should understand how I feel about negativity in general - it's crippling, and it's pathetic. Nobody is ever going to have confidence in somebody who's convinced they're not as good as they were. I've said what I needed to, and it was positive. You guys were good, are good, and will be better. Go onward, and do it for me. Do it for Christine, Alexis, Heather, DeSantis, Jack, Ry, Bonnie, Jessie, Kate, and Kim. Do it for every last one of us who can't have this part of our lives anymore, and I think you all understand just how important a piece it was for us. You understand it because any loss you feel explains it - how could you be feeling that for a SINGING GROUP? On the surface it's trivial, but you guys know it was damn near family. I wish in this kind of a transition period we could all, this year and last year, get together and sing together a bit. It would make it feel much more continuous. We can't though.... but you guys can do it for us.

You're better than you're giving yourself credit for. Individually, and together.

I'll see you guys at Thanksgiving - and you know, even though I think the game is at Needham this year, I half expect a certain one of you to be singing the national anthem. If not? Well that's just how it goes.... but it would be nice to hear again.
:: Peter 3:03 AM [+] ::
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