:: Closing Time ::

:: Monday, December 23, 2002 ::

Alex, you've absolutely no reason to be envious of my situation coming home from break. In the three and a half days I've been here, I've waited for my father to say something positive. Anything. One word, one veiled compliment. One slight show of support, even a sign that he was happy to have me around. Since then, absolutely nothing - not a shred. This morning when he bullshit me again, I again had to resort to me "rather straightforward" way of dealing with things. The only way to shut him up, to shut him out, was to curse him out and shout at him at 9:00 in the morning. Many of you are saying, why the hell do you do that? Why do you make things worse? Well, it doesn't make things worse. It makes things better, at least survivable, for me. My father is the single most reactive trigger to everything that's wrong in my head, and he drives me absolutely insane. I hate the world while he's around because he's always criticizing everything. I honestly think my life would be a hundred times better without him, as would my sister's. I know my mother's would have been while I was still home, but I don't know what to think now that she would be living with just Figaro (she took Siegfried's death as hard, if not harder than I did). That's not what I'm here to talk about though - the point is.... fairly straightforward really sucks within the family. Really, really sucks. It's the only way I can survive though, and that's why I'm fairly straightforward to begin with. My father is too fucking dense, too fucking pig headed, too fucking stupid to recognize anything short of straightforward. And even when he recognizes straightforward.... he's too inconsiderate to give a shit.

I fucking hate him.

On a note I actually meant to blog on though, I find people less likely to blog just after they get back from break, that is in the 3-5 days following their return. Getting re-adjusted and settling into things, and seeing people.... it just doesn't leave the sort of "lacking" feeling that blogging is often spurred by. Blogging, at least for me, always occurs when I feel incomplete or overflowing, and the latter is far less common. It's really hard to be upset, or at least slightly offput to the point where I fall into deep insightfull thought, when I'm finally back with the best friends I've got.


:: Peter 9:35 AM [+] ::
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