:: Closing Time ::

:: Wednesday, July 31, 2002 ::

I wish she hadn't gone to Dana hall. I wish she'd have come to the high school. Maybe I don't. Because in my gut I know if she had, Ashley Kara and I would still be friends, and Matt, and Katie, and Sasha. Great, great friends. I couldn't ask for better. But I've got equally good, and I wouldn't know them if Kara had come here.

I could never, ever choose.

For that though... she's been happy at Dana Hall. She said it wouldn't change her, she said we'd stay friends. I knew as she said it that it simply couldn't be true. I think she did too. I don't think I could miss her more.... if I had to pick one person I wanted back in my life, I couldn't, but she'd be high on the list of choices.

So who's missing. Who haven't I mentioned, what group of people. I bet one of you knows already. Think. Think hard about the groups that have shaped me. It's not JSA... I'm still friends with you guys. It's not band, or jazz band. I never really bonded with most of you. Is it Rice Street? As a group, we were a magic, eclectic mix, but there were always a few who I simply couldn't get close to. Some I wanted to but couldn't, but others I just didn't feel right with. Not Rice Street.

So who is it.

........

........

........

Do you know yet?

........

Brueggers. The Brueggers staff, the original, the franchise. The people who were there come September, the third month I worked there. Me, Sasha, Jason, Craig, Jessica, EMILY, Kathryn, Fabio, Rodrigo, Jean, even Susan, even Kate (Emily's friend). To some extent Marcio, or Gilson, or Toni. My sister never -really- fit in. We were the best crew, and Susan told me occasionally. She knew when we were there that she had a hell of a staff - not only were we top notch talented, we were a fucking good group of people. We were great friends, we were a family. She called us that, to me. She trusted me more than most of them. Because I was smart, because I did things right, and because I was white. Yes, she was a pretty catholic racist, but I can forgive her upbringing and the way she talked occasionally because she never let it affect anyone. She never told a brazillian staff member that hune was less important than us, she never paid anyone less because of skin color, she never cost anyone a promotion because of it. She was raised a racist, but she didn't raise her children that way. She's a great mother, and a very nice person. We clashed manager to employee, but you have to. Fabio was the first to go, and that hurt us. Because he was a phenomenally cool guy, and an impeccable worker. We weathered that one. The next blow.... the next blow would be harder.

Jason dissapeared, for one thing. He became a shifty, and started working at other stores. We didn't see him much, and Craig was working fewer hours. It really became me, Sasha, Emily, Rodrigo, and Jean. But when Jason was back, or Craig was back, they were still part of it. When Jessica came in she was part of the magic. And then.... Rodrigo quit. I think most of us knew that was the end of an era. The end of the superiority. Because HE, he was the talented one. Susan's a good manager, don't get me wrong, but he was the king of the mountain. He was the master of excellence, of efficiency. He was a much better employee manager than her. He was a phenomenal assistant manager. On top of being one of the coolest people in the world. At that point, our staff was no longer the magic group we had been. Pretty soon, Emily was next. I'll be honest, by then Rodrigo Jason and Craig were gone, Jean was back at college, and Kathryn had gotten really really drugged out (i.e. not so fun). Sasha and I are good friends outside of work (I brought him to brueggers in the first place) so that was separate, but the reality is Emily and Kate were the main reason I stayed at Brueggers. Yes.... she's gorgeous. They both are. Call me shallow if you refuse to believe me, but I wouldn't be writing this if I wasn't going to write the truth. Hot girls are one thing, great girls are another. Emily was if a bit too trusting, an absolute angel. Couldn't have been a sweeter girl. And Kate is the type of girl you write home about. Really, really pretty. The kind that grows on you. But she walks in and starts talking to you like she's known you for years, and then introduces herself, and you feel comfortable around her. And the next time she sees you you're already friends. Emily and I actually were friends, but Kate and I barely knew each other. And yet, we were friends. To some extent I stayed at Brueggers for Kate. They were both awesome, and what was left of our family. I knew work or not, Sasha and I were still friends beyond question.

So Emily quit. And in time, I just got fed up with it. The job started getting worse, management unreasonable, and Sasha and I worked together less. When we could bitch to each other, complain to each other, pick up the slack for each other, work was much more fun and much more bearable. We never had a bad day together, only one at a time. One of those ways we're in tune with each other. If we were both at work the day would be fine, because we could and would catch each other. Well, we worked less and less, and we both talked about quitting. So when the last straw came and I had -the- worst day, I quit. And thought none of it because Sasha had just about said he was going to. Well, he never did.... and I almost feel like I abandoned him sometimes, until I realize that he didn't need me there. I know I was a better worker than most of the people there now, but once he got the hang of things (like, a week after he got there) he was top notch. And is. Susan's lucky to still have him. Jason's back.... but they're the last of that family. We don't all exist anymore.

I'm tempted to try and get them all together though, just to come sit around the fire and talk. Tell stories. Be friends. And I'd invite Kate :) She really -was- part of our family, because whether or not she worked there she came in so often, either to see Emily but eventually she came just to see the rest of us without Emily. We were friends.

My Brueggers family, I miss.

So there we have it folks. Everyone I miss who I can already miss, because the summer's not over and I can still see the rest of you. But I haven't seen these folks in what feels like forever, and I know... I basically never will. I want to though.

Chris and John.

Kenny Eric Drew Jonathan Loaf Jimmy Kevin Kainen.

Ashley Matty Kara Liz (Sasha)

(Here goes) DeSantis Jimmy Drew Joe Jack Swanson Schram Geisinger Sergel DiMuch Goodrich Blancato Legget Shellito Andy Simpson Oz Rooksie ChrisWhite Sue Jen (I only missed one when I tried to list them without checking a picture)

Jason Craig Jean Rodrigo Kathryn Emily Kate Fabio (Sasha)



A day for each. A wish that I have that will never be fulfilled. I think though.... maybe, if I can get just one, that hole in my sould will be forever filled, warmed, and solid.

This has been one hell of a blog. Thanks Chris. For everything. It started with friendship. Continued with creativity. Proved equality. By the way Chris, you inspired me to start singing again. You made Rice Street and I was like shit, I can do that. And then you inspired me to swim. I think the best thing you've given me as a friend is one of those things you can only hope you get from a friend: inspiration.

It's not that I don't thank the rest of you. I do, but it's 4:21 now and this blog is taking forever and my mother asked me to get some sleep tonight. It's taken well over an hour and a half now, and I suspect it's a good fourish pages long. Maybe more.

But this blog started with Chris talking about John.

It started with Chris. Kinda like well, my teenage life.
:: Peter 4:33 AM [+] ::
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