:: Closing Time ::

:: Saturday, September 28, 2002 ::

Alex is right

I absolutely do not remember high school. And it's only been like five months.

Well, six, or even seven since we were actually schooling - but five months since we got out.

It's fucking hard to believe.

I went out with my fraternity tonight - it was a really good time, and I met a few really cool people, but I read Alex's blog and he's right - I really can't fucking remember high school. "Half-remembered mutual hallucination." I like it and I hate it. I like the wording, I hate the reality.

Because the sad reality is...

... I already don't remember a lot of you.

Don't get me wrong - there are those of you I absolutely cannot forget. Don't worry about that. Just off the top of my head there's Sasha, Natalie, Alex, Matt, Schram, Jack - people who I remember like it was yesterday. People I'll see over break and it'll almost be like I never left.

But some of you are starting to blur.

I met two Kates tonight - and realized I don't really remember the Kates from home. My pledge brother Ben is much sharper in my mind than the Bens I know back home. I no longer wake up at night and think that I'm in my bed in my room.

Could it be that home isn't home anymore?

People around me are slowly discovering this - and somewhat painfully for some. While my roomate has been strong, and he and his girlfriend have since getting to college decided to be exclusive (they were being open at first, but then both decided that they didn't want it that way, which sounds good for the relationship), Olivia down the hall had her boyfriend visit - and break up with her two days later. She was on the phone with him, in tears, in the hall, for two days. The good news is she got into her first choice sorority theday after that, so she's been having fun I'm sure. But reality sucks sometimes.

My frat brothers are starting to feel like my family. Not that I don't miss my actual family - but with that almost sort-of replacement, this place can feel more like home. I now have a bunch of guys I can call ffor just about anything. I called Greg to talk about the econ work, I ran into Ben and we went to lunch. It's a no questions asked family - it's trust, it's brotherhood. I love it.

But in finding something I feel so accepted as part of... it make the other things like it feel a little less special. Especially when I don't have them here to remind me - my family, my best friends. It's weird.

Home is becoming a blur. And as much as I love being able to get pizza at 3:00 AM..... I'm not sure I like forgetting.

It's getting hard to remember.

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P.S.

I had to get this in here. But in short terms, because I don't have to explain to any of you just how important this is. And I won't even try, because I know if I tried to explain it I'd fall short.

Natalie is coming to visit me tomorrow.

I'm fucking excited.
:: Peter 2:47 AM [+] ::
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