:: Closing Time ::

:: Friday, January 03, 2003 ::

Somewhat heartbreaking reality check today.

I had forgotten about the blog I wrote about missing new years... about being sick, and missing seeing people. I had forgotten about the plea I put out, for people who I'd missed to at least say hello to me for fuck's sake... at least acknowledge my existance. I had forgotten... because nobody has, and therefore nothing reminded me. The only people I've seen are the ones I would have seen anyway - not to downplay the importance of that, I love seeing and spending time with them. But they were the people who didn't need, and who I knew wouldn't need that little nudge to call and see how I was feeling. They're the people I knew I could count on anyhow.

The heartbreak comes with everyone else, who I'd hoped might still read this. Who I'd hoped might still care about my thoughts, about my feelings... it seems most of them are gone. Maybe it's because this isn't in my profile anymore, but I can't help that - my mother has learned to read profiles, and even if I'm ready to share this with the GW community (which I've decided I am, I've fixed myself well enough in there now).... I can't talk about this stuff with my mom. We tried to talk yesterday about how I found God, and she was so fucking difficult, so fucking critical of my thinking, I hadn't even realize... my mother and I don't talk about anything important because she doesn't really accept just listening to my thoughts.

Now it seems those who once read have forgotten, have lost any hope that they may have had... have become faithless and moved on. I wasn't worthy of the few moments of their time that it takes to read, it seems. Maybe I was deluded, but I still thought that at least a few other people read this... and I still thought I'd get at least one response.

Even though it's just readers, even though it's just a blog.

It feels like losing friends.
:: Peter 5:37 PM [+] ::
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