:: Closing Time ::

:: Thursday, April 17, 2003 ::

In the event that a fan runs onto the field during a baseball game, 98% of players will be seen avoding the fans while security comes after them. This isn't surprising - this is what they are told to do, and legally what is in their best interests. Not only are these folks celebrities who may have people trying to hurt them, but more importantly if they get swung at and swing back it's really bad press. But I think the other day's incident with the White Sox shows us a trend in baseball which I appreciate.

"After the White Sox grabbed a 5-4 lead in the bottom of the eighth inning on Frank Thomas? home run to left, another fan raced on to the field and tried to grab first base umpire Laz Diaz as he was signaling the inning?s final out down the right field line. Before the fan could do any damage, Kansas City right fielder Brandon Berger and first baseman Mike Sweeney wrestled him to the ground. "

Yes, you read that right - in basically the only major non-contact sport out there two major league players took matters into their own hands - as they damn well should have. Think about it - you've got four guys in this situation. A fan, who is an unknown but could be dangerous, an umpire, who's like 40 something at the least and not stereotypically in good shape, and two professional atheletes. Yes, this was the right thing to do for Diaz's sake - although Berger and Sweeney could theorhetically have been injured and damaged their own careers, they protected a defenseless umpire. Good for them.

I propose the following situation though, regarding fans running onto the field. One, you're stupid fucks. But two is something I'm going to refer to as the Clemens Rule of Justice. There is one player on the field at any given point in time who effectively has a gun in his hand - the pitcher. So I propose that from now on, while waiting for security to apprehend fans on the field, the pitcher on the field winds up and fires the hardest strike he can at the offender. I honestly would not be surprised to see Clemens do this, but I think he's basically the only person in baseball badass enough to do it. Pedro and Johnson are likely seconds, but for fuck's sake, think about it. You don't even have to throw at this guy's head, which is good because you might kill him. But if you're running around stupidly on the field and suddenly you get a 95 mile per hour fastball in the side, you're basically done. Probably got a broken rib too.

And that's what you get. Baseball games are long enough as it is without idiots, and I propose the Clemens Rule of Justice go into effect immediately.
:: Peter 4:36 AM [+] ::
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