:: Closing Time ::

:: Friday, January 31, 2003 ::

Shit.

I didn't realize just how important she'd become to me... something of a staple.

This is fucking with my head.... big time. It's bad. I hope I forget it tomorrow, at least until I have time for something good to happen.

I don't think I will though.

I don't know how I'll sleep tonight - I haven't slept well for five days, and this sure as hell isn't going to help.
:: Peter 3:03 AM [+] ::
...

So yeah. The best blogs are drunk blogs, especially the ones you've been meaning to make for a while. And that would have been true (and may still be from a blog standpoint), except I just came back to see Dana kissing some guy goodnight.

Man, does that piss me off. No. It upsets me, that was the wrong choice of words.

How does an Angel fall from grace? When you come back... and she's not your angel anymore, she's somebody else's. God fucking damnit.

I meant to blog about my italian class. About the cool people in it, Liz, and Daphne, and Courtney, and Sara, and even a couple of cool guys. But.

This just fucking ruined it. I had an -ok- night - I met a few hot girls but they were all Trizz's friends, so they weren't fucking interested in anything. Which sucked. Tomorrow I've got an invite to a party on mt. vernon with a couple of girls which should be off the hook - but I may not even get to go, who knows. The girls who invited me were cute. But they weren't Dana.

Man, fuck the world. I'm gonna go get a drink of water. Sorta because Dana's by the water fountain.

This fucking sucks.
:: Peter 2:31 AM [+] ::
...

In regards to the last blog... having had a talk about it with a friend, I've decided that the person in question is not worth the effort it would take to type out an explaination of what happened and how pissed off I am.
:: Peter 12:09 AM [+] ::
...

It was a fucked up superbowl, but congradulations Tampa Bay. I hope this increases the chance that the Devil Rays beat the Yankees.
Hey, fuck you. You know who the fuck you are.

You fucking crossed the wrong line, and this has nothing to do with the superbowl.

There will be a longer blog on this later. Despite what anybody fucking thinks.
:: Peter 12:24 AM [+] ::
...

Evening summary:

3 parties.
1 busted.
3 girls.
2 numbers
1 invite.
15+ drinks
5-0 pong.
0 people in trouble.
0 people sick.
12 brothers.
3 bottles of water before I go to bed now.

All in all...

1 good night.
:: Peter 3:25 AM [+] ::
...

In the throes of young love Leroy
Didn't think to think
And in the blink of an eye
Tied the knot
Not knowing how to not know
He was the prodigal son
This girl had brought him home

He moved out of his stepdad's apartment
He moved in with this cute guatamalan
Things were copesetic till she caught him
Things were cool and collected
Till she found him erected
With another

Shit went bad
He's on the roof again
She flipped
He flipped
The bird
And then he went to the roof
Where his threats ring loud and clear
Gonna jump
Gonna jump
Gonna die this year

------------------------

Why wake up in a cold sweat
Got a bone to pick with reality?
Take a deep breath and lay back down
Wearing my badge of infamy
Changed the bulb in the nightlite
Cause it flickered
Flickered and died
Repeat the words
You're not alone
To self three times
And hit the light.

My aim is true
Turn off the phone
Let's sleep till 2

-----

Inspire me
Cause if you don't I think I'll
Dissipate to dust
The liar in me
Says something's gonna happen soon
Because it must
My friend and I
Stick to the tired couches
Please pass the time
I
Found a dime
Under the corner cushion
Wishing it was someplace else
And so
Do I
So do I

-------

Safe and sound
Don't make a sound
Look up at the sky
Shit's going down

I heard a bang
And stars collided
Her skin drew me in
Just like a magnet
Little girl
My little world
Is yours.

Big bang litle girl run away with me
And be my thelma and louise
Brush that sand off your ask
Your questions later
Love me long time

------

Saturday night
Burns a redness on my face
I tasted you
You tasted me
You were never my taste
Now left alone with precious thoughts
Of half ass
Half an hour
Stops
And talk so small
I can't remember
Ever saying
A word

-------

I rode a western wind
With a girl
Over to her mother's
In the backyard
Stars shone brighter
Than the others
That I rarely see through the smog
Through the haze that covers
The home that I used to live in
Yeah yeah well I kinda
Sorta
Knew what was gonna happen
When she put her number
Down
On a restaurant napkin
Then she said goodbye
I think the words were
When you're back in town
Let's have each other
Again.
I'll come around and see you
Again

Like Jessica Rabbit
She collects bad habits
Gets her drinks for free
Animated vixen
Stole Cupid's arrow
And came to rescue me
In the blink of an eyelid
My lid opened up
And I could see
That she'd come
To rescue
Me
:: Peter 10:15 PM [+] ::
...

man, anybody I called tonight - seriously, gimme a call back. at least leave voicemail.
:: Peter 4:46 AM [+] ::
...

For the first time since I got back from there is noise and chaos in the halls of Thurston at 3:00 AM.

Finally, I can be certain came back to the right dorm.
:: Peter 2:52 AM [+] ::
...

One more thing:

I
Love
Playing two hand touch
Eating way too much
Fans who won't quit
And Twins.

I
love
Quarterbacks eating dirt
Pom-poms and short skirts
Watching my team win
With the Twins.

And I
Love
You
Too

HERE'S TO FOOTBALL
:: Peter 9:58 PM [+] ::
...

So I haven't blogged much, because this week has been fairly non-descript. My classes so far seem real easy except Italian, which used to be my easiest class. My classes so far seem interesting except for Italian, which used to be my most interesting class.

It's nice to be surrounded by people again, and not so nice to no longer have personal space.

My fraternity is in good shape - we have to focus on rush, but I think it's going to go well.

Dana has in a strange twist suddenly become one of those angels for me, and I couldn't be much happier about it.

The playoffs have been interesting. I've started spending money on entertainment like I never did before - I bought Rounders and SSX Tricky yesterday. Rounders is a phenomenal movie, and we had a great time watching it last night, and Tricky is an awesome game and a steal at the $20 I paid for it.

My dorm has been SCARILY calm. I'm no longer tolerating people being childish, and being very public about that.

My dreams have been weird - in one night, I had several vivid/lucid dreams involving physical activity I know how to do, like swimming and playing football, where I'd be on the spot and it'd be time to go and I couldn't move my arms. And I'd try and try to lift my arms, and I'd wake up, trying to lift my arms out from under my head. Dunno wtf was up with that.

The new miller lite commercials fucking rock. Great taste.... Less filling! Great TASTE! Less FILLING! GREAT TASTE!!!!

Superbowl is going to be fucking great - with the fraternity, looks like it'll be Raiders/Bucs and a nice, hard hitting, heavily defensive/offensive game. Lots of completed passes, lots of people hit to drop passes, should be fun.

It feels like vacation again, cause I only had 1 class on Thursday, Friday-Monday off.

Somehow, I'm not getting into my blogging zone, so at this point I'm rambling - and will cut myself off.
:: Peter 9:54 PM [+] ::
...

:: Peter 10:56 AM [+] ::
...

Hey, what a shitty way to start a day - we have no hot water.

Nothing good can come of these 24 hours.
:: Peter 10:38 AM [+] ::
...

This is probably going to be one of those blogs that gets few or no responses, because at this point I don't think I'm gonna say much worth responding to. Ok, having thought about it a second more and deciding to change my approach, maybe I will.

You know those angels around you? Those people who, while not a part of your life and with very little chance to impact it, manage to be just these shining lights of near perfection in the darkness of reality. Those people who remind you both of all the fantastic people there are to get to know who you don't already, and of how few of the awesome people you'll ever get to really know. For me, Lindsay Shamberger has been that angel since she moved here. And in dreams, she somehow completely randomly came back into my life last night.

Lemme just be a little clearer because I think I'm going to have to to get away with this without sounding creepier than usual. Lindsay is just one of those wholey good people - she's got the sweetheart thing down to an art, she's pretty, she's warm to everyone. Lindsay's one of those people who really no matter what the situation is is probably going to smile at you, and it makes you feel better. And despite some efforts, I barely know her. In my dreams last night she's done what she always did for me - something had gone wrong and I was getting down, and suddenly she showed up and was just happy, was just... her, and it made me feel better. A hug and her presence, and everything was wonderful. This was -totally- random, as I haven't seen her all break (not even since Thanksgiving, and that was only for 5 minutes), and I don't even think anyone's mentioned her around me. So I can't say why it came up. Anyhow.

I expect everyone has at least one of those people who they see. The problem is that at GW, I really don't think I know one. I know one person who comes close, a neighbor of mine, but she actually happens to be a good friend of ours and now the girlfriend of one of my brothers. And as cool as she is, somehow it's kind of different to know her.

But at GW, there's nobody who brightens my day - nobody who can make me smile in darkness, nobody who practically makes me smile at a thought. The hardest part of it is that the angel isn't moving on in life with me.... they never do, I guess. I'd probably be surprised if I ever saw her again, and that's the part that really makes me sad.

There are too few really good people in the world to lose the few you find.

I wonder what I'll think in the next 12 hours as I travel back to school. Some of it I'm sure will be excitement, at getting back to constant action. Some more will be dissapointment, because I feel very much unfilfilled by this vacation. There were good times with good friends, and for that I'm thankfull without doubt. But I guess I had been hoping to connect with more of my past, see more people, and just see more smiles.

I've got good memories of break though. I think I'll take them with me every time I go sledding, play pool, or break out the gamecube for some football. And now... I embark on the hardest segment of my time away from home. It's January, and I won't see my friends for at the soonest two and a half months. I went a month and a half each time first semester, and the reality is I don't know how many people I'm gonna see over spring break - a lot of people, a lot of important people, aren't going to be here. Hell. Off the top of my head, it looks like most of them won't be. Not seeing my closest friends until May.... holy shit, that sucks.

It's things like this that make me need angels in my life. Why is everyone so far away?

p.s. last thing.

I'm going to be travelling for around 7 hours, when you realize that with heightened security (due to these recent crashes) I have to be at the airport by 5, my flight is at 7:20 till 8:50, it's about 25 minutes to get my luggage and catch the bus to the train, then I have to wait for a train or an illegal cabby who wants to split a ride to DC, that's about 45-60 minutes, then I've got a cab ride back to my dorm, another 10 or so. And that's assuming basically nothing goes wrong. What does this mean? Well, I've got a national cell phone, and a new 781 number, so I would really really really really love it if somebody called. Anybody, from anywhere, please. I'm going to be going nuts.

(sevyn-ate-won) nyne-sicks-too nyne-sicks-sevyn-fyve

Call. To talk about anything, if you're curious about anything, or whoever you are. Call because you could make me smile.
:: Peter 11:08 AM [+] ::
...

Hey, it's ok Chris.... I puked 15 minutes before, and 15 minutes after the new year, and I hadn't even had anything to drink. And I got no party, got to see no friends, go no kiss, basically nothing to have looked forward to and nothing to look back on. It basically blew hardcore.
:: Peter 1:41 AM [+] ::
...

The most amusing part of the night was me getting the shit beaten out of me by the bumpy, sharp ice. It was kind of like dragging my prone body across a cheese grater, and then rolling sasha over me at fifteen to twenty miles an hour.

On a mostly unrelated note.... there are times when the frustration just gets to a point where you have to question everything. Even with my new found faith, we're getting really, really close. And it's really, really ridiculous.
:: Peter 1:43 AM [+] ::
...

split. ing. head. ache.
:: Peter 11:08 PM [+] ::
...

Add to it that my counter has been broken for almost a month it seems (I admit, I haven't been checking it) and I don't even know when this happened.

My words have been weakened, and I don't even know for how long.
:: Peter 5:43 PM [+] ::
...

Somewhat heartbreaking reality check today.

I had forgotten about the blog I wrote about missing new years... about being sick, and missing seeing people. I had forgotten about the plea I put out, for people who I'd missed to at least say hello to me for fuck's sake... at least acknowledge my existance. I had forgotten... because nobody has, and therefore nothing reminded me. The only people I've seen are the ones I would have seen anyway - not to downplay the importance of that, I love seeing and spending time with them. But they were the people who didn't need, and who I knew wouldn't need that little nudge to call and see how I was feeling. They're the people I knew I could count on anyhow.

The heartbreak comes with everyone else, who I'd hoped might still read this. Who I'd hoped might still care about my thoughts, about my feelings... it seems most of them are gone. Maybe it's because this isn't in my profile anymore, but I can't help that - my mother has learned to read profiles, and even if I'm ready to share this with the GW community (which I've decided I am, I've fixed myself well enough in there now).... I can't talk about this stuff with my mom. We tried to talk yesterday about how I found God, and she was so fucking difficult, so fucking critical of my thinking, I hadn't even realize... my mother and I don't talk about anything important because she doesn't really accept just listening to my thoughts.

Now it seems those who once read have forgotten, have lost any hope that they may have had... have become faithless and moved on. I wasn't worthy of the few moments of their time that it takes to read, it seems. Maybe I was deluded, but I still thought that at least a few other people read this... and I still thought I'd get at least one response.

Even though it's just readers, even though it's just a blog.

It feels like losing friends.
:: Peter 5:37 PM [+] ::
...

oh - part of the reason you all have to add to the list is that the only ones I'm going to come up with are clearly the ones I remember, which will basically ensure me a perfect score, which would be skewed and inaccurate. so you are all responsible for helping.
:: Peter 9:13 AM [+] ::
...

I present to you, the "of our time" score. A work in progress, to be certain, and if you have any suggestions I'd like to hear them. Or you can blog them. I hope eventually to come up with about 30ish things at least; realize, that some of them may be local references.

Take a point if:

You can name all 50 states in alphabetical order.
You can name any single group of five Power Rangers who were all in the group at the same time.
You ever had a 14.4 kbps or lower modem, or if you remember dialing into a text only online service.
You can still do the Macarena.
You remember such cinematic classics as "If Looks Could Kill" - also take a point if you saw any of the Back to the Future movies in the theater.
You still have GI Joes, hidden somewhere. Take -two- points if they're Voltron Lions.

Just a starting list....
:: Peter 9:13 AM [+] ::
...

As many of you know by now, I missed New Years - yeah, my "happy new year" was robbed of me by the fucking stomach virus that's been going around the Wellesley area. My sister got it, and I got it from her. I guess I'll survive though... I'm feeling better now, although I'm still gonna take today and tonight off just to be safe and not get any of you sick (unless, -maybe-, I feel 100% all day), but I am really upset that I didn't get to see those of you who I probably won't/wouldn't have otherwise seen. That was the big plus side of that party to me.

If any of you who I haven't seen, or who I haven't seen much of want to find some time to spend with me, I'd really appreciate it. Shit, I don't even know who most of you are - I don't know who was going to be there. But I feel like I've missed the bulk of winter break now, because that was where I was going to see everyone... and finally feel back home. and now it's gone.
:: Peter 7:45 AM [+] ::
...